Tag Archives: breakup

poetry

The Distance in Time

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The Distance in Time
Long are the days I try to make sense of all that came to be
Memories flash through my head, I see you smiling at me.
Long are the talks we use to have, never afraid to speak our mind
Working though life’s problems, until a solution we could find.
Long are the cries I now have as I wonder where I went wrong
And how the time we spent apart went from short to long.
Now I long for the time I could count down til our next embrace
Knowing it won’t come, is a heartbreak I’d never thought I’d face.
I long to hear the sound of your laugh and the tone of your text
To feel the excitement of knowing when I could see you next.
Longing for answers that will never come, of how I pushed you away
Wondering how I could of changed, to make you want to stay.
Short is the time it took for you to go and leave me behind
What I wouldn’t give to be able to go back and press rewind.
Shorter did our interactions become, until there were none at all
How many times I wished for one more, no matter how small.
No matter how much time passes, there are things I can’t undo
And no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop loving you.
You have imprinted on my soul, left a lasting impression on my heart
Having to learn to live life without you, has been the hardest part.
So now I have to love you from afar, instead of by your side
And be thankful for the moments we had, now lost in the tide.
I won’t forget how you loved me, I know that you truly did care
And I’ll try not to dwell on why you no longer wanted to be there.
I still think of you with kindness, my dearest, sweet friend
I wish I could have been there for you, ‘til the very end.
I know in life you will succeed and happiness will come your way
And I will silently cheer you on while I think of you each day.
You changed my life and gave me hope that I’m someone worth being
I will try to shine bright and remember that I’m meant to be seen.
Thank you for all the time you spent, each memory is dear
And I will always wish for you the best, year after year.

~ Jennifer R. W. Vargas

November 29, 2021

They say people come into your life for a reason, sometimes for a season, and sometimes for a lifetime. They say some people are meant to cross into our paths. They could be there also for a season or a lifetime. Sometimes the people you thought would be there for forever, end up leaving. Sometimes they leave without a word. True friendship losses are the worst. You trusted someone with every part of you. You feel accepted and loved and safe to be yourself. You hang out with each other for no other reason then just you enjoy each other’s company. So when it all fades away and you don’t know why. It’s a true heartache that is untouchable. There’s a lot of songs and articles about romantic breakups, but it’s so hard to describe a true friendship breakup. But it destroys you. A part of you died and you feel at times incomplete without that person you would always run to tell about your day. About anything. That person you could count on to make you laugh, to listen to you when you would cry, and who would build you up when you were feeling down. I guess that’s why it’s been so hard. Why I cry so much, especially when it feels like the other person hasn’t even given you a second thought, when they used to hold you so dear. It might make more sense if there was some fight, some big thing that happened. Instead you’re left to try to analyze and wonder what it is you said or did that made them want to move on with their life without you in it. The hardest part is asking if they want to be friends, if they want you in their life, and getting no response. It leaves an emptiness inside you. A sense of grief that makes you feel somehow unloveable. Is everything they said all a lie? Does it not matter anymore? Suddenly you are no longer a person that makes their life better, and makes them feel lucky that you are in it. It’s amazing how quickly things can change, how quickly others can seem to forget and move on. The worse part is not being able to be the one to so easily let everything go. For holding on to hope but knowing deep down there is nothing to hold on to. All you are left with is plans that will no longer come to fruition, and memories of all the wonderful times you had together. You have to try to silence out the questions and the what-ifs because nothing will ever change them. You will probably never get the answers you hope for and if you ever do, they will come when you no longer need them. They will come when that person finally feels the need to reach out or even apologize for letting go of an amazing person. You just have to have hope that someone else is out there who is waiting for you to open up your heart again and trust that real friendship is still out there, it’s just not with the person you had no choice but to let go of.


Living, Op-Ed

Don’t Let Relationships Erase You

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I read a really good post recently. So good, that I wish I could just copy and paste the whole thing here because it’s so relevant. Take the time to check it out. It talks about missing someone and not necessarily wanting them to be back in your life.

https://exploringyourmind.com/missing-someone-doesnt-mean-you-want-them-back/

I’m not quite at that point in my journey, I’d still want them back in my life… There’s a silver lining to the article, or something to look forward to. It talks about wanting the good times again; “Think about it: this doesn’t have to happen with the same person. The history and the feelings can be replicated in part with another person now.“

That’s a beautiful sentiment. Knowing that those feelings and emotions you had are not in fact gone forever just because that relationship ended, but rather you will experience them again with someone else. For me, that’s been such a hard part of all this. Mourning the beautiful and endless possibilities of what that relationship could have brought to my life. All the happy moments it did bring to me, along with the inspiration and creativity.

I wrote more poems inspired by this person in the last few months than I have in the last few years. I’m not sure why. It’s ironic how some people can inspire you and others don’t. One of the poems I wrote, I know would have had a great impact on them. I never had the chance to give it, but it was not written in vain. I was able to share it with someone who recently experienced the same thing and it’s been a great source of comfort to them. In a way, maybe I had to meet this other person, in order to be a comfort to someone else.

Life is like that. You meet someone who influences you, changes your life. It can be in a small way, it could be someone you meet once, but you never forget. Moving forward, I would like to challenge myself to only think about the good moments and try not to think about the way things ended. Not forget why, as I will always carry that with me moving forward and apply it to future relationships.

I was listening to a song the other day and it said “people like me are gone forever, when you say goodbye.” That can be so true. I know in previous friendships I’ve had, I’ve been so hurt. I’ve cried, I’ve felt lousy about myself… and some of those people are still in my life to a degree, but a very distant one. You know… the ones you wish happy birthday to on facebook and occasionally comment on their posts.

In order to get to a place of not being hurt anymore, I had to go through a period of shutting them out completely. I had to feel all the feelings and then get to a place where they could no longer hurt me, but also a place where I still wanted them to be happy and well. One person I run into now and again and they’ve mentioned getting together a couple of times. It’s funny, back in the day that would excite me to no end. However, now I don’t even get my hopes up because I know it’s not going to happen. It’s a good thing though, that I’m not upset by this. I kind of just laugh about it… like ok… sure we’ll get together.

I’ve had to stop comparing myself to their other friendships. Stop questioning why they grew close to someone younger than me, if maybe I thought age was a factor or whatever the case may be.

I’ve told myself for half my life already that people are in my life for a reason, and sometimes only for a season. That’s always been hard for me as I’m someone who loves deeply and doesn’t like to let people go.

The good thing is, when we let those people go, we are able to open ourselves up to new relationships, with people who don’t want to erase us from their memories but create new ones.