For years this poem was lost. Untitled and written for my best friend who suffered a miscarriage halfway through her pregnancy. There’s a picture of us that was taken about a week before it happened. I have my hand on her belly. Her belly really popped and I was feeling the baby kick. I had not yet had a child myself and could not imagine the despair she was facing. I just knew I wanted to try to help ease some of her pain. I’m not sure if I did. Writing was always my go to. I wrote poems for every occasion, holiday, and birthday. I hadn’t much touched on subjects so heartbreaking as this. I finally found this poem, written on the back of a flyer for 3-year-old bible verses. We taught Sunday school together. I found it in a container with some other collections of things. Old concert tickets, and other mementos. I’m still not sure how it ended up in there. I keep all of my poetry together. This poem was definitely written in a time where I kept notebooks for poems. I’m not sure what possessed me to write it on the back of this flyer, or why it wasn’t stored with my other poems. But now, over a decade has passed and my beautiful best friend had a rainbow baby. Although the pain of losing a child never truly goes away, maybe for a moment, it was kind just to know that someone wished they could take that pain away and do anything to make it hurt less. This is for Kelly, the most amazing mother and friend.

Angel Baby
There are so many things that you don’t understand
It’s hard to imagine they can be a part of God’s plan.
You try to accept what you cannot comprehend
You pray to God to fix what you cannot mend.
You try to be strong, put on a brave face
You wish and hope for your thoughts to erase.
For so long you wanted, for so long you’ve dreamed
It was becoming a reality, or so it seemed.
You have loved enough, you have led a good life
Been a caring mother, and a wonderful wife.
So many blessings have come and yet one was taken
As hard as you try, your universe has been shaken.
You have faith that the blessing will come once more
But you no longer know what God has in store.
You are not alone; you have friends by your side
Someone has lifted up a prayer for every time you’ve cried.
You’re not made of stone; you don’t always have to be strong
When the pieces have crumbled, someone will come along.
God hears your prayers; He knows what you need
He’s with you always, comforting while you grieve.
He’ll give you strength when you feel you have none
Lift your spirits when you’re weary and can’t run.
For it is written, ask and you shall receive
In times of trials, it can be hard to believe.
Your faith, courage, and strength will see you through
And when that’s not enough, know I’m always here for you.

~ Jennifer R. W. Vargas

September, 2010