Tag Archives: fears

Things Unwanted

Things Unwanted
Of all the things I want, I wanted least to disappoint you,
I wanted you to be proud of me in all you gave me to do.
I hoped to do well with everything that you asked,
As time went by, I tried hard to complete each task.
Overwhelming at first, tears rolled down my cheek,
Still I kept pursuing, and tried hard continuing to speak.
Bottled up feelings that never want to be let out,
Yet somethings were said, so there wouldn’t be any doubt.
Different topics came up that were most enjoyable to hear,
And things never known about people so very dear.
At my first attempt, I feared that you would be,
Quite upset, or rather, just disappointed in me.
As the days passed, that disappointment faded away,
And I no longer worried about the upcoming day.
Then the day came and the sorrow was brought,
But not for the same reasons I had thought.
You seemed in such need, how could I have been so blind?
To go away, leaving you feeling a bit left behind.
You never seem to be how you say, I should have stayed by your side,
Instead I left you to feel nothing but alone deep inside.
I would have liked to help in any way that I could,
So I pray that you will forgive me, as I know I should.
I hope you know that I enjoy every moment we share,
So I hope it did not seem like I no longer care.
That would make me very sad because it is quite untrue,
And know that will all of my heart, I will always love you.

~ Jennifer R. W. Vargas

August 29, 2002

Context: At this age, it was hard for me to verbally tell people I care about what was on my mind while we were together in person. I was encouraged by two mentors to stop writing all the time and practice on actually verbally expressing myself. It was hard and sometimes I felt like I failed them. Good news, I am still friends with this person today. 🙂 Age 15

A Whispered Name

A Whispered Name
A name whispered throughout the wind longing to be heard,
A voice endeavoring to be found yet proclaimed with every word.
A faint prayer muttered along with the pandemonium of countless others,
The vanished voice struggles to discover, when it will be accompanied with another’s.
To be heard but not seen, to listen but to not have a clear conception,
To seek for the implementation of the precise answers and not having that perception.
To be lost in the blustery weather and not know which ending leads to where,
Feeling so alone and having not a soul with whom to be able to share.
 A call wailed throughout the systematic changes of the vast land,
And heard only by the Father who holds all the world in one hand.
Searching and seeking but never confident with what is discovered,
Wounded and scarred but never time enough to be recovered.
The world hears a cry but it never stops to take heed,
That maybe, possibly, another life could be in need.
That whispered name that went unnoticed has now been heard and spoken,
That voice that wanted to be found has now been awoken.
That prayer that was faint didn’t go unnoted,
That call that was cried was never demoted.
Those that were lost are no longer fighting in the darkness of the unjust,
Those that are alone have found someone who they can trust.
The darkness is no longer dark but has been brought into the light,
Those that couldn’t see by faith have been given sight.
To not only hear but to see and to have heard and have knowledge about,
All the great plans the Lord has for those who do not doubt.
So by faith one is saved and still another can see by that testimony of assurance,
And that by chance meeting has been finalized as a planned concurrence.
So whenever a name is whispered, it never goes unheard,
And God never fails to answer or hear every uttered word.
 
~ Jennifer R. W. Vargas

June 8, 2003

Age 15