Things Unwanted

Things Unwanted
Of all the things I want, I wanted least to disappoint you,
I wanted you to be proud of me in all you gave me to do.
I hoped to do well with everything that you asked,
As time went by, I tried hard to complete each task.
Overwhelming at first, tears rolled down my cheek,
Still I kept pursuing, and tried hard continuing to speak.
Bottled up feelings that never want to be let out,
Yet somethings were said, so there wouldn’t be any doubt.
Different topics came up that were most enjoyable to hear,
And things never known about people so very dear.
At my first attempt, I feared that you would be,
Quite upset, or rather, just disappointed in me.
As the days passed, that disappointment faded away,
And I no longer worried about the upcoming day.
Then the day came and the sorrow was brought,
But not for the same reasons I had thought.
You seemed in such need, how could I have been so blind?
To go away, leaving you feeling a bit left behind.
You never seem to be how you say, I should have stayed by your side,
Instead I left you to feel nothing but alone deep inside.
I would have liked to help in any way that I could,
So I pray that you will forgive me, as I know I should.
I hope you know that I enjoy every moment we share,
So I hope it did not seem like I no longer care.
That would make me very sad because it is quite untrue,
And know that will all of my heart, I will always love you.

~ Jennifer R. W. Vargas

August 29, 2002

Context: At this age, it was hard for me to verbally tell people I care about what was on my mind while we were together in person. I was encouraged by two mentors to stop writing all the time and practice on actually verbally expressing myself. It was hard and sometimes I felt like I failed them. Good news, I am still friends with this person today. 🙂 Age 15

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