NEVER TRULY GONE – A Poem For Widows

Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables) spoke of having a kindred spirit. Someone you share a meaningful connection with. You don’t have to come from the same beginnings, or even have similar life events, but something draws you together. It can be an event or circumstance, or it can be two people who have similar values or interests that connect you in such a way, it almost feels as if you are the same person.

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Sometimes, you meet someone who changes your life in the best way. Someone you talk to and you feel like you’ve known your whole life, even though you’ve barely met. You can feel what they are feeling even though you’ve never gone through the things they have. It’s almost as if your spirits really do connect.

There was a time I came across someone that lost her husband; I tried to put into words what she must be going through. A long time has passed since his death, but there are days those wounds still feel fresh. I wanted her to know that she is seen, that her feelings are valid no matter how much time has passed, and also, to share these words to hopefully help someone else who is going through the same loss. Dealing with those impossible feelings that eat at the soul and don’t allow you to come up for air. Maybe, for a moment, you feel less alone.

So, on International Widow’s Day, may you have a little more grace shown, a little more kindness, a little more patience and a friend who never gets tired of the waves of emotions life has thrown at you. I can only hope to be that kind of friend to someone who needs a little extra love in their life.

Never Truly Gone
I never imagined our time would come to an abrupt end
Some days it really hurts and others I think I’m on the mend.
I only feel okay because I’ve forgotten that it’s real
It comes in huge waves and I haven’t learned how to heal.
Sometimes it feels like the world is moving too fast
While others have moved on, I cannot get past.
My former life was happy, what will a new normal be?
How can I move forward without you here with me?
Everyone is staring, their eyes pierce my soul
Can they see right through? Know that I’m not whole?
When someone offers help are they really being true?
Or just being polite because they don’t know what to do?
Some days that I wake, I wish that I had not
I might never be ready to give love another shot.
This pain is too much to bear, will it ever be less?
Will I pull my life together and not feel like such a mess?
How long is too long to avoid social scenes?
No one understands what losing you means.
Plans for our future were over before they truly began
You were not just a kind person, you were the BEST man.
Some days I think I’m fine, then I break down and cry
I’m still trying to process the ‘how?’ and the ‘why?’
They say “time heals all wounds” and maybe one day I’ll be fine
But I’ll never forget that you loved me and that you used to be mine.
So for you I’ll keep going and I’ll find a way to be strong
No matter how much time passes, in my heart you’ll always belong.
One day the pain will be manageable, I’ll be able to laugh and smile
It doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten, you’re in my thoughts all the while.
I might even believe that grin painted across my face
If I find love again, know you’ll never be replaced.
I know you’d want me to be happy, to find true bliss
I’ll make new memories for all the ones we’ll miss.
For you, I’ll embrace my new life and live without a care
For daylight always comes, after a nightmare.

~ Jennifer R.W. Vargas

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