We haven’t seen much of Taylor Swift in 2019, but we have been blessed with two magazine covers thanks to Elle USA and Elle UK featuring her on their newest issues. 2019 is a lot of things, but it is also the year that Swift turns 30, a benchmark in anyone’s life. She has learned a lot since she started in the business at 14 and her views have changed dramatically.
Back in 2012, Swift said that any relationship where the guy isn’t proud to show her off, it isn’t the relationship for her. She didn’t want to be in hiding, she wanted to be able to live her life like a normal 22 year old. Her actions since 2017 have sung a very different tune.
After very public displays of affection with exes Calvin Harris and Tom Hiddleston, it was almost six months before anyone found out she was dating actor Joe Alwyn. The two of have never been officially photographed together, or shared photos of themselves together on social media. They have not spoken up about being a couple in a public setting, but they have been photographed on outings by paparazzi and other onlookers. Is that the secret to their 2.5 year romance? It’s certainly the longest for Swift and yet she still glows with happiness. No doubt there have been hardships over the romance, but none that have ever come to light. They have learned how to navigate a world tour for the singer, along with insane movie schedules for the budding actor. Swift has also tapped back into her acting skills, her movie adaption of the Broadway Musical Cats comes out later this year.
Ahead of turning 30, Swift offers advice of the things she’s learned since then, 30 things in fact. While reading, I found myself agreeing with how important these things are, lessons I’ve learned as someone who has also entered their 30’s. She’s learned the importance of blocking out the hate, focusing on what matters, stressing about the real struggles in life and learning which relationships are meant to last and which have had their time in the sun.
Here are the lessons she learned broken down:
1. She had to turn off her Instagram comments to block out the hate she was receiving in order to leave a healthier life. Unfortunately that means that friends and family can’t also comment, but in the end sanity is worth it. (Years ago I had to turn off anonymous messages on my tumblr after receiving a lot of hateful comments. It’s amazing how quickly those comments disappear when suddenly people have to put their name to the comment). The takeaway? If something is causing you stress, step away from it. We’ve had to see many celebrities take a break from social media due to the constant negativity. Nobody needs that amount of stress in their life.
2. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, even if you are normally a nice person. Sometimes you have to speak up so you aren’t taken advantage of.
3. Life is about learning lessons, that means failing sometimes. Get back up and try again. We learn by making mistakes.
4. Every body is different, learn to love yours and stop trying to be so perfect.
5. Sometimes you have to press the block button, not only on social media but also in your personal life. (Sometimes that might even mean blocking a family member if they are causing you stress and anxiety in an unhealthy way).
6. Everyone gets older, embrace the changes that come with it, including physical signs of again. It’s never too early to start moisturizing!
7. Her biggest fear is for the physical safety of herself and her fans. She recently had another person break into her apartment after being arrested for previously breaking in and taking a shower and sleeping in her bed. She tries to not let this fear run her life so that she can still live.
8. Create your own values and stop valuing what others think so much. You don’t have to create the Instagram perfect picture or relationship. Your life is yours and no one else’s. Your happiness is what matters.
9. She learned how to make some easy cocktails because 2016 (think Calvin Harris/ KimYe/ Snake)
10. She learned some good recipes for dinner parties and puts her own flare on them.
11. Command tape saves your walls from holes.
12. Apologizing to someone you hurt sincerely can save your relationships and friendships.
13. Believe sexual assault victims.
14. It’s ok not to know how to respond to someone when they are going through a hard time, but it’s not ok to disappear from their life when they need you.
15. Vitamins make you feel so much better!
16. Get to know someone before starting a relationship, first impressions aren’t everything and they won’t make for a lasting relationship.
17. Don’t sleep in your makeup, take care of your face and moisturize!
18. We all have things that were hard in our childhood, whether it was being bullied or feeling alone, be aware of how you act when those things no longer affect you, for they might be happening to someone else.
19. Tell people how you feel and don’t play mind games. No one is a mind reader.
20. People are sometimes only in your life for a season. It’s hard to let them go, but you’ll always have the lessons learned and memoires.
21. It’s ok to experiment with your fashion choices and hair!
22. When you’re fighting with someone, focus less on winning and more on understanding. You don’t get prizes for winning, just a lost relationship.
23. There will always be people who want the best for you and don’t want to see you fail. Surround yourself with those people.
24. Be aware of the real problems in life, for Swift, it’s the return of her mother’s cancer. She focuses her stress and worry and prayers on that.
25. You can still make amazing music while being in love.
26. Make countdowns for things you are excited about. Sometimes we need things to look forward to.
27. When someone is bullying you, learn how to laugh it off. (Think giant inflatable snake after Kim K. called her one, along with the rest of the internet).
28. Get involved and informed about politics. There’s a big race next year.
29. Please pray for the safe return of her curls. Hair can change texture.
30. Forgive yourself, you’re your own worst critique. “Step into the daylight and let it go.”
To read Swift’s words visit her essay on Elle.