It’s 2019, three years since Taylor Swift essentially dropped off the face of the earth after an “apocalyptic” summer and almost two years since she dropped her previous album reputation. During the years that followed, Swift gave no interviews and adopted the philosophy of “there will be no explanation, there will just be reputation.”

Now that Swift has been able to regain some control of her life, maintain a loving and healthy relationship with her boyfriend of three years. and navigate not being in the public eye, she is ready to talk. She sat down with Rolling Stone reporter Brian Hiatt who previously did her cover story nearly 7 years ago. It was a day she remembered, as they got into not just one, but two car accidents. They decided not to drive this time around, a safe choice.

“It’s weird, because in some of the worst times of my career, and reputation, dare I say, I had some of the most beautiful times.” @taylorswift13 looks back on the tumultuous past three years of her life in our latest cover story https://t.co/PDIryPTygw pic.twitter.com/15S5yW5k4k

— Rolling Stone (@RollingStone) September 18, 2019

During the reputation era, Swift was not giving interviews. Now that she has entered the Lover era, she is finally able to share her thoughts. Things got so bad, she had to physically give up control of everything she normally tackled, to gain some sort of hold on her life. She was in a downward spiral and even went so far as having the internet removed from her phone. No, she hadn’t heard the conspiracy theories about her being some kind of Aryan Goddess and she thinks that is “disgusting.”

She would also like to move on with her life and stop talking about “negative shit all day” *cough Kanye West.* However, she did talk about him, to offer up some kind of explanation as to why she was so upset with the line “I made that bitch famous” and how it was essentially the straw that broke the camel’s back. It was the final moment in a series of events over the course of many years where she decided she could no longer take it anymore, that she was done trying to seek his approval and stand up for herself.

“I felt like I was going insane when I was trying to maintain my career in the same way that I ascended. It’s easier to get power than to keep it." @taylorswift13 talks about identifying with #GameofThrones' Daenerys and more in our new cover story https://t.co/1U67Fuan1c pic.twitter.com/3es74gBuDZ

— Rolling Stone (@RollingStone) September 18, 2019

There were several things we gained after reading the interview, along with our hearts breaking over the amount of turmoil and stress she has been dealing with for a very long time.

1. She found love among the chaos, along with friends she now knows will be there for her even when everyone else hates her.
2. She realized she had to live a quiet life so that people didn’t feel entitled to it being open for debate and dissection.
3. She’s grown a lot over the last few years and has set healthy boundaries, but she will always be honest in her music, even about issues she may not speak about in interviews.
4. She has a lot of regrets about the way she has handled many things, from relationships/friendships/politics/decisions but she has been able to disengage from the public’s perception of her and learned how to become level. “I regret a lot of things all the time. It’s like a daily ritual.”
5. She masterminds her own business. Deal with it.
6. She hasn’t been to therapy because “it takes so long to download somebody on the last 29 years” of her life and who better to talk to, then her mom? Which makes the line in “Soon You’ll Get Better” Who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do? If there’s no you” all the more heartbreaking.

Check out the full interview here.