If you happen to be a middle child, then you can image what it’s like being friends with Taylor Swift. Wait, stay with me.

Here’s what it was like for me, growing up as a middle child:

Everyone used to know me as “so and so’s sibling.” I used to think it was just because I had older siblings, and my younger sister would eventually experience the same indignity, but somehow that never happened. Instead I became know as her sibling as well. I’d wonder, why can’t I just be me?

You see, whether you’re friends with Swift, know her by association, or have just been spotted with her, you’re going to be asked about it—possibly in every interview you do.

Why? Because people care about her, in fact she’s one of the most cared about celebs in existence..

When you are constantly asked about someone, you can start to resent them because you want to be known as your own person. You don’t want to be constantly asked how your sibling is doing and what are they up to and do you have a favorite memory with them. Or how about being asked when the last time you saw them was and what did you talk about? What am I their secretary? Go ask them! Ask me about me, show a little interest in my life!

That’s what it’s like to be friends with Taylor Swift. It takes a special kind of person to be able to handle that. To not care that every interview you do, they will ask about your friendship.

It happened when Swift went to Australia. The media is so obsessed with her that they had a “Tay Tay Cam” recording her plane landing. Then it became breaking news—despite everything else happening in the world—that Taylor and her “boyfriend” were there. Forget the fact, they are there because of her boyfriend who just so happens to be a well known actor who is currently reprising his role as Loki in Thor 3. When they walk by the news crews, people are shouting for Taylor (not Tom Hiddleston, which was the reason they were there). Not to rag on Australia or their media, they are actually quite lovely and have been actively defending her after all of the drama that has been happening lately. More to make a point, that those are the lengths and the extremes of being Taylor Swift and not everyone can handle that.

Here’s @taylorswift13 @twhiddleston #qantas flight pulling up at #GoldCoast airport gate! pic.twitter.com/95nMPMCeiO

— Gold Coast Bulletin (@GCBulletin) July 8, 2016

If you mention Taylor Swift; if there’s even any hint at her name, it’s going to make a headline. That kind of thing can get emasculating and it takes a hell of a guy to be able to withstand that level of fame and be able to hold their own. Let’s not bring up Swift’s last relationship with he who shall not be named.

Now back to the other matter at hand… friendships. Selena Gomez is a perfect example. She is one of Swift’s longest and closest celeb friends. I’ve seen countless interviews with her and Swift is almost always brought up. It doesn’t matter if Gomez is promoting a new song, album or movie… the headline always becomes something like ‘Selena Gomez Dishes on Girl Time With Taylor Swift.’ It doesn’t matter if the interview was 20 minutes long and only 30 seconds was about Swift, the rest gets overshadowed.

So there are certain people, like Gomez who don’t let those things get in the way of their friendship, and there are others who decide they don’t want to share that spotlight and are going to make headlines by doing their own (usually ill thought out) thing.

There are others who have opened for Swift on her tours or maybe they were just a guest who walked the catwalk during the 1989 tour. I have seen countless interviews with the same people who walked the catwalk once, and they are still being asked what that was like (over a year later). They walked a catwalk during a concert…. interview them about something relevant…. like their movie or album or tv show. This is why people who aren’t Swift fans get tired of hearing about her, stop brining her up every five seconds!

However, I do love hearing all the nice things they those people have to say about Taylor. I feel it is helpful to see people like Ruby Rose and Mariska Hargitay standing up and singing her praises. With the amount of people that are constantly saying how down to earth and wonderful she is, you are probably wondering why there are others who can’t seem to get along with her.

It comes back to being confident in yourself. If you know your self-worth and aren’t looking to be validated by the media and every single person in the world then you’re that supportive middle sibling. You can still be you and be proud of who you are without needing every inch of spotlight.

The media knows they will get more clicks if they relate someone more unknown with Swift’s name and that’s why they do it. A lot of people I’ve never even heard of until someone asks them about Taylor and then I see it on my Tumblr dashboard that this person said such and such about Taylor. In a way, it’s good for them. More people are checking out that person’s music they otherwise wouldn’t have, had it not been for the mention of Swift’s name.

In a way, I also feel sorry for those people because their spotlight is taken away. It’s being shared when it shouldn’t be because it was never about Taylor. But then I also feel bad for Taylor… because she didn’t ask for that. She has no control over what the media writes and so when people say “who cares” it’s because they are sick of seeing her name everywhere. It’s not because they’ve taken the time to find out about her and see she’s been recognized as the most charitable celeb the last couple of years. They still see her name everywhere in a time where she isn’t releasing new music, and isn’t on tour simply because mentioning her name immediately attracts attention… positive or negative it’s still attention. It’s still traffic to the media sites and so they continue to use her name to promote people you might not otherwise read about (enter Kimye).

It’s so easy to hate people sometimes isn’t it? You want to read about what this person you can’t stand is doing, just so you can text your friends and make fun of them, even though there’s really nothing to make fun of. “Oh my gosh, did you see what (so and so) did last week… she thinks she’s so cool….” I’ve had it done to me. People who regularly made fun of me were watching my youtube videos or reading my posts so they could make fun of them… but wait… you’re still giving me views… you’re taking the time out of your day to check on what I’m doing, someone you supposedly can’t stand…

So you see, good or bad, people keep clicking those articles… so the media keeps writing about her and it probably won’t end any time soon.

To the friends who have stuck by her side, thank you. You’re the real MVPs. Thank you for sharing the photos and answering the interview questions, even when they took time away from you. When you find a friend worth keeping, like Taylor, you don’t mind being the proud middle sibling singing their praises. You answer the questions, let them know how they’re doing and share stories of when you were last together. It’s easy to get upset about not being the center of attention, but it’s a lot better to keep a friend that’s so worth having.